Kiss me you fool
by Pay Backs a Bitch
Summary: Kiss me you fool Allen said from inside Kanda's room. What was Lavi supposed to think? KA ThreeShot. Crack!fic
1. Kiss me

**Really weird, dumb, short story I wrote in Science class instead of doing my work. Ordered volume two, but that's as close as I come to owning it.**

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Lavi was walking down the hallway near Kanda's room. He had just been to Allen's room and the cafeteria and the white haired exorcist was no where to be found.

"Kiss me you fool," he heard Allen's voice say.

...from behind Kanda's door.

"Allen!" Lavi yelled barging through the closed door. "Stop making out with Yuu-chan!"

Kanda and Allen stared at Lavi, pieces of paper clutched in their hands.

"Lavi, I wasn't going to actually kiss Kanda," Allen said.

"Then why did you say...?"

"Because baka Koumi decided that bean sprout and I should do a play together so that we don't hate each other as much," Kanda said frowning.

"Oh," Lavi said. "Can I watch some of it?"

"Sure," Allen said to Lavi.

"Kiss me you fool," Allen said.

"How I wish I could," Kanda said with little enthusiasm. "But your lips are like the forbidden fruit. The punishment of never seeing you again would be too much to bear for such a small pleasure."

"But Gregory, I love you with all my heart. Isn't that enough?" Allen read.

"No my sweet Shawnie. Not until our parents can live in peace with each other."

"Ok," Lavi said. "If I see anymore of Yuu's terrible acting skills I'll die. And what's with the names? Gregory and Shawnie?"

"There...unique," Allen said.

"Well, I'll leave you guys to work on it," Lavi said getting up to leave. "Seriously Yuu, I know pigeons that have more emotions in their voices than you."

"Oh shut up," Kanda said.

Allen and kanda waited until they could no longer hear Lavi's footsteps anymore.

"Think he bought it?" Kanda asked.

"Who cares?" Allen replied.

"Good point."

"Kanda?"

"Yes Allen?"

"Kiss me you fool," Allen quoted.

"Gladly," Kanda's said swooping down to capture Allen's lips in a heated kiss.

Owari.

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**Hope everyone likes it. Now I have a project to do so please review. Yes I used my own name. Please no laughing.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	2. Hold me

**Chapter two of Kiss me you fool. I randomly wrote this in Drama because my friend said 'Anyone else going to walk in on them?'**

**I own nothing. Tis terribly sad.**

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Linalee had gotten bored walking around inside headquarters. So she decided to take a walk outside. There were a couple of birds singing. She expected that. There were flowers in bloom. She expected that. 

"Hold me my love," said Kanda's voice.

She didn't expect that.

"But, didn't you tell me this was forbidden?" said Allen's voice.

Linalee didn't expect that either. She ran to where their voices came from. Hoping to find them in a lovers embrace, she was disappointed. Instead they stood about six feet apart, with pieces of paper in their hand.

"Nani? Why aren't you embracing?" she asked.

"Because it's a play," Allen said.

"Did you think we were secretly lovers or something?" Kanda asked.

"I was kinda hoping you were," she said.

"We have an assignment in a few days and we need to be able to put on a small play," Kanda said.

"Oh, is that all?"

"Yeah, do you want to watch some of it?" Allen asked.

"Sure,"

"Hold me my love," Kanda said in a tired voice.

"But didn't you tell me this was forbidden?" Allen asked.

"Yes, but a small embrace is all I need to keep me alive a while longer."

"Stop," Linalee said. "It needs work. Come back when you've done more."

Linalee walked away.

"It's amazing," Kanda said.

"What?" Allen asked.

"How many people have walked in on us."

"Yeah, it is kind of weird," Allen said.

"Allen?"

"Yes Kanda?"

"Hold me my love."

"Hmm, you know I can't deny you anything."

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**Yeah. It's a little retarded, but I thought it was funny. I don't know if I'll write a third part.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	3. Help me

**Ok, the third AND FINAL part of Kiss Me You Fool. I never actually though t it would go past the dumb, goofy chapter I wrote in drama class. Well here's the final bit.**

**Me owning D.Gray-Man is about as likely as Michael Jackson having a real nose.

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**"Hey Lavi," Linalee said when Lavi entered the hallway. "Where are you going?"

"I'm off to see if Allen and Kanda's two man play has gotten any better," Lavi said.

"Yeah, the mission has to be any day now."

"Mission?" Lavi asked. "They don't have a mission. Your brother just wanted them to get along more."

"They told me they were getting ready to go on a mission!" Linalee said.

"They told me it was off duty stuff!" Lavi said.

"THEY LIED TO US!" they both said at the same time. They ran down the hallway until they reached Kanda's room. They broke down the door to find Allen and Kanda in the middle of a make-out session.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Linalee and Lavi asked at the same time.

"Ummm, we can explain," Allen rasped. "Tell them Kanda."

Kanda looked at them with a straight face. "CPR," he said in a monotone voice.

"CPR?" Lavi asked.

"Standing up?" Linalee added.

"Yes," Kanda said.

"Umm, why?" Lavi asked.

"Allen was choking."

"On what? Your tongue?" Lavi said not able to stop himself.

"Hey Kanda," Linalee said slowly. "Isn't CPR used when someone isn't breathing? If Allen was choking shouldn't you be using the Heimlich Maneuver?"

"Good point. Excuse me while I save Allen's life," Kanda said as he pushed them out of the door. A smile slowly crawling onto his features.

"I'm glad I could help save Allen," Linalee said.

"You do know that if Kanda ever does the Heimlich maneuver on Allen it won't be because he's choking, right?" Lavi asked.

"We should probably get away from this door then, shouldn't we?" Linalee asked.

"Running and screaming?" Lavi asked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Linalee said smiling before running down the hallway screaming at the top of their lungs.

Allen meanwhile choked out a piece of bacon that had been lodged loosely in his throat.

"Yay! I can breathe again. Now where were we?"

"Right about here," Kanda said swooping down to kiss Allen again.

Later that day they had a deadbolt put on the door so they were never interrupted again. Except for some reason Miranda blushed a vivid red whenever she saw them standing together. Oh well, she was always a bit of a weirdo.

The End.

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**Don't worry Miranda, I still love you. **

**Ok, that's it. This story WON'T have another chapter. This chapter was THE END. See? I put that up there and everything. So no asking for more or else I'll feel bad and go all angst-y.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch.**


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